


It's just time (I have nowhere else to go)

by kazzlikethat



Series: The Keonhoon Agenda [1]
Category: ONEUS (Band), ONEWE (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Coming Out, Established Relationship, Keonhoon, Light Angst, M/M, Past Internalized Homophobia, Yonghee, Youngjo is only mentioned briefly, can't believe weus tag isn't a thing, other members are mentioned too - Freeform, pls ship them lol, weus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:01:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23252125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kazzlikethat/pseuds/kazzlikethat
Summary: Yonghoon thinks Keonhee wants to break up, Keonhee actually wants to come out.
Relationships: Lee Keonhee/Jin Yonghoon
Series: The Keonhoon Agenda [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1671826
Comments: 8
Kudos: 46





	It's just time (I have nowhere else to go)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there!! This is my first time writing anything related to WEUS (yes, this needs to be a thing), so I apologize if they're a bit ooc or I get something wrong. I would really appreciate it if you could let me know if there're any grammar mistakes, because English isn't my first language.  
> Quick disclaimer, just in case: this is all fantasy, I'm not implying any of it is true or close to reality.  
> Title is from Jung Ilhoon’s Spoiler (feat. Babylon)  
> With that being said, please enjoy!

_“I showed you lies instead of truths you should know_  
_Just like how the world only showed me good things_  
_I wanted to cover your eyes with my small hands.”_

It wasn’t cold yet, but it’d been raining on and off for a week. The blue skies long forgotten, turned into greys and yellows. Keonhee crossed the street first, taking advantage of the red light at the end of the block. He saw a tiny shop with a little roof outside one block away and jogged there, clutching the umbrella tightly. From there Keonhee not only was safe from the rain, he also had a perfect view of the building they lived in.

While he waited he tapped the pavement with the tip of the umbrella, an uneven rhythm that was swallowed by all the noise surrounding him. The noises of a city that was alive and screaming, cars rushing behind one another, the splash of water, the hum of passerby’s conversations, those who shouted, doorbells, doors closing, laughter, a kid crying. It was easier for them to hide on a crowd, Yonghoon had stated earlier. And it definitely was, because no one spared him a glance when he rushed to where Koenhee was.

The younger’s gaze was sharp, certain, and Yonghoon couldn’t help but approach him with his eyes fixed on his own feet.

“You’ll hurt yourself if you go around looking at the floor.” Keonhee wasn’t smiling, but his words didn’t have any bite in them either. Yonghoon stood in front of the younger, tongue between his teeth to suppress a smile. He pretended not to notice the way Keonhee’s eyes fixed on his lips, instead he opened the umbrella, protecting both of them from the thin rain.

They walked down the busy streets, bodies touching all the time. Yonghoon could feel Keonhee was warm, it made him shiver a bit.

They hadn’t been able to escape like this in a really long time. Keonhee looked behind them, cautiously, at least three times before he realized Yonghoon was watching him, then he kept his eyes on the road ahead. They weren’t this careful the first time they went out together, almost a year ago, when neither of them had debuted. Back then Yonghoon didn’t think much about hiding, but Keonhee had looked _afraid_.

The longer you keep the secret, the heavier it gets.

The coffee shop they entered was far enough from the dorms. It was small, rarely had more than two tables at the same time occupied. The owner was an old lady Keonhee knew very well. Yonghoon was wary of her for a while, never one to let people in easily. But she was really sweet and let them use the second floor even though it wasn’t supposed to be used by costumers. She probably had no idea what kind of relationship Keonhee and Yonghoon had, but that was fine. Some things were better left unsaid. Maybe she thought they wanted to spend some time away from cameras, and managers, and even their members (which, yes, they did want that sometimes). It was whatever, she was sweet and Keonhee had the warmest smile each time they saw her.

Yonghoon thought it was adorable.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Keonhee whined.

Yonghoon didn’t ask how exactly he was looking. Didn’t want to know how much of his feelings were open for the rest of the world to see. “Sorry,” he ended up whispering, not knowing what to say. Yonghoon paid for their coffees and both of them headed upstairs, “how’s practice going?”

“Good but stressful, somedays I think we have everything ready and learned, and then nerves hit and it feels like we’re still lacking.”

They had developed a routine, without meaning to. Usually, they arrive feeling on edge after escaping and lying, not only to the managers and producers, but to their friends. They make small talk, whispering what they’ve been up to lately. Both curling against each other on the couch and sipping their drinks. Yonghoon asks about Oneus, how are the members doing, if they’re healthy (they are). Keonhee wants to know if Onewe have a release date for their album yet (they don’t). Eventually silence surrounds them and Yonghoon leaves what’s left from his coffee aside in order to cuddle the other, like a cat looking for a warm place to stay in.

“I missed this,” Keonhee whispers against Yonghoon’s darker hair, “missed you.”

Yonghoon nuzzles against Keonhee’s neck, breathing in his scent. Sweet but with citric undertones.

“I miss you, even though you’re right here, I miss you.”

He only obtains a low hum for an answer, but it’s enough. They aren’t always this calm and quiet, but today they’re tired, exhausted, and Keonhee’s smiles are sad at the edges. Yonghoon ends up pulling away a bit in order to look at the other properly, focusing on the dark eyes looking back at him. His gaze looked sharper, rougher, than it usually did, a side effect of the brown eyeliner. He’s also frowning a bit, jaw tense, lips pressed together. It’s rare seeing Keonhee this serious but not necessarily weird.

“Hey, Keonhee-yah,” he calls. Yonghoon’s left hand finds Keonhee’s face, thumb caressing his cheek and then stopping on top of his bottom lip. The gesture eases the younger singer a bit, expression softening. “Care to share?”

Under his palm and thumb, Yonghoon can feel Keonhee’s hesitation. Mouth parting to speak just to close again without uttering a single word.

“You’ve been doing this a lot, you know? Keeping to yourself.” Yonghoon’s voice comes out thin, careful, “I don’t know what’s troubling you, but bottling it up won’t help baby.”

“Youngjo-hyung talked to you then.” It wasn’t a question, so Yonghoon hummed noncommittally (Youngjo had _in fact_ expressed his concern about Keonhee’s mood the past week, mostly because Keonhee kept denying anything was wrong). “He thinks I’m sad or something.”

“Are you?”

Koenhee takes a long time to answer.

“No, I’m not,” he answered, tone stern.

They’re really close now. Yonghoon feels the slow rhythm of his breathing against his own lips. The lightning there is poor, just a standing lamp besides the couch. It leaves half of Keonhee’s face hidden by shadows, but Yonghoon knows him well enough to capture how his expressions change with each thought he keeps to himself. Heavy thoughts.

Keonhee keeps looking directly into his eyes, like he needs to find something. It’s a bit nerve wracking. Yonghoon was better at hiding his emotions, something he wasn’t proud of. It wasn’t even on purpose, or a conscious effort. It was the heavier more complex feelings he had trouble showing. Yonghoon could seem upset, but rarely anger. He could look at someone with adoration overflowing his expression, but not with the fondness accompanied by love.

“I’m not sad either,” Yonghoon commented, hoping he was answering to the youngers non-verbal questioning. And it did, apparently.

Keonhee smiled, genuinely smiled. Unguarded and raw, so unbelievable honest it made Yonghoon’s heart constrict.

He smiled back, bringing his other hand to Keonhee’s face, pulling him closer, lips touching but not kissing. Something finally settled between them. A weight had been lifted and they could breathe properly now, slow and steady. Mind going quiet, it felt like long over-due recognition. They spent so much time apart it was easy to forget how well they worked in the first place.

Keonhee gave a quick glance to the closed door leading to the stairs, just to make sure one more time that they were completely safe – although they knew it was locked from the inside. They were still smiling when they kissed. It wasn’t careful or slow, but filled with purpose and conviction. Keonhee tasted like a standstill, one that meant the world faded and the only movement Yonghoon could register was their own. He added pressure to the kiss, whole body aching to get closer.

He couldn’t remember when was the last time they kissed. Was it two months ago? More? Yonghoon didn’t know and it wasn’t important anymore. Not when Keonhee was pulling him into his lap, both hands resting underneath his shirt, warm hands tracing mindless patterns on his back. Yonghoon let one of his hands settle behind the younger’s neck, keeping him close. He caught Keonhee’s bottom lip between his teeth, carefully pulling without making any damage. It made Keonhee kiss him deeper once he released him, his tongue exploring Yonghoon’s mouth.

Yonghoon shivered under his touch, eyes filled with unshed tears. If Keonhee noticed he didn’t say anything. They kissed for a long time, slower and slower until it wasn’t more than breathing each other. Keonhee hid in the curve of his neck; Yonghoon could feel him shaking with the effort of suppressed tears.

“Baby it’s okay, I’m right here,” Yonghoon shushed him, putting both arms around Keonhee’s middle and rocking them back and forth. Keonhee kept shaking his head and Yonghoon could hear the unsaid _no no no no_.

It wasn’t sadness what filled them with a sense of desperation. No, it was frustration settling inside their bodies, clutching to their hearts. Deep and unavoidable.

"I'm just really fucking exhausted hyung," Keonhee said, voice impossible small. Yonghoon tried to swallow the pain back in. To revisit later, maybe, once Keonhee calmed down. "We didn't get to be alone for months Yonghoon, we barely spoke without our friends there. Aren't you tired?"

He was, he really was. But the idea that Keonhee felt anything similar made him nauseous. He felt selfish for wanting so much. Selfish because he hated seeing Keonhee hurt yet he was unable to even entertain the idea of letting him go.

Maybe he should.

"Keonhee-yah," he called, although he didn’t know what to say yet, “it’s going to be fine, really.”

Keonhee pulled away, a spark of irritation appearing in his eyes. He looked older than the last time they were this close, Yonghoon realized. More mature.

“Hyung you can’t keep doing this, we have to–” he was on edge– “stop pretending everything’s fine when it isn’t, just quit lying to me.”

“I didn’t’,” Yonghoon’s thoughts went overdrive, dread tightening his throat. “I’m not lying.”

He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say, but Keonhee didn’t like his answer at all. He pulled away even more, making Yonghoon sit back on the couch instead of his lap. Yonghoon was frozen in place, body numb.

“If you are not lying to me, then you have to be lying to yourself,” it came out harsher than Keonhee intended, “Yonghoon, come on.”

He’d seen Keonhee like this before, the first months of their relationship, when everything was awfully uncertain. Back then he knew what caused it, now he wasn’t too sure. Maybe Keonhee wasn’t just tired, maybe he was _too tired_. Who was Yonghoon to decide if maintaining their relationship was worth the risks, anyways.

“Please, please Keonhee-yah, if this is your way of saying you want to break up get on with it.”

Yonghoon was looking at his own lap now, avoiding eye contact. He was surprised when one of Keonhee’s hands went up to his jaw, he flinched slightly, not expecting the touch.

“Look at me,” he pleaded.

Yonghoon tried to regain some sense of security, but anywhere his mind went it felt as if the earth underneath his feet had shattered. He didn’t know where to go from here. He’d been too naïve. Keonhee was right, he’d tried to keep the harsh reality away from them. He lied all the time. He lied every time Kiwook questioned the inspiration for his lyrics, he lied when Harin found him spacing out or completely focused on his phone. And he lied to himself, pretending he didn’t see the moment the truth would come out just around the corner. If they didn’t end things soon, one way or another, someone would realize what was going on, one of them (probably Yonghoon) would fuck things up. That’s just how it was, wasn’t it?

“I’m sorry,” he pleaded, finally managing to find Keonhee’s eyes. But the younger didn’t look anything like before. Expression open and vulnerable, a pouty smile adorning his lips.

“I don’t want to break up, idiot,” he said, voice breathy, “just because I’m tired of hiding doesn’t mean I want this to be over, for fucks sake.”

Yonghoon blinked, trying to dissipate the tears gathered in his eyes but failing.

“Then what did you mean?”

Keonhee pulled him into an embrace, Yonghoon’s tears leaving a wet patch on his white shirt.

“I meant that keeping this a secret is slowly killing us,” he cleared, “and we’ve been pretending it doesn’t hurt, but it does, which makes things worse. Don’t you want to tell your members the truth? Where would we be going if we keep waiting, hyung? Because I want to stay with you. I have nowhere else to go.”

“Keonhee we don’t have to, we can wait, I told you before.” Yonghoon felt like crying for real now, ugly face and everything. Of course, he wanted to tell their friends, dreamed of holding Keonhee in his arms at their dorms without it being _weird_. But it was easier for Yonghoon, his members knew he was bisexual, they’d known for years. Even some of Oneus knew too, Dongju, Hwanwoong and Youngjo. He wasn’t used to hiding, but Keonhee was different. Keonhee had a hard time accepting he was gay in the first place, he denied it for so long. Yonghoon didn’t want him to push himself, when they started going out he promised to wait as long as Keonhee needed. It didn’t make hiding any easier, but he would do it the rest of his life if necessary.

“Aren’t you sick of it? How can you be okay with me holding us back, I hate it so much,” Keonhee admitted, arms going lax beside his own body. Yonghoon pulled the younger closer, caressing his hair softly, “hyung I-”

His voice broke, Yonghoon hugged him tighter. He gave Keonhee time to calm down, softly humming a song he couldn’t remember the name to. He wished it was easier.

“Hyung I really want to come out now.”

There was conviction in Keonhee’s words, making Yonghoon smile against his head.

“You can,” he assured, “but don’t do it because you think I want you to. Sure, being out with our friends sound nice, of course I would like that, but my priority is your safety Keonhee-yah. I want you to do it for yourself, not me.”

“I know hyung,” Keonhee reassured him, “but I want to do it for me, because I need to move forward.”

Hearing that made Yonghoon incredible happy. It was so different than when they started this, old insecurities vanished with time. Keonhee didn’t look afraid of himself anymore, of what he wanted.

“I’m happy to hear that,” Yonghoon confessed, pressing a soft kiss to his exposed neck.

They dried each other’s tears, laughing at their emotional outburst.

“I feel like such a child, I freaked out, I’m sorry,” he apologized.

“Maybe I’m not the only one keeping their worries to themselves, seriously hyung, you never follow your own advice,” said the younger. It made him blush and hide from embarrassment, “aren’t you the cutest?”

“Shut up.”

“Cute little Yongie.”

“I’m not a dog,” Yonghoon fake-cried.

“Sure hyung.”

“You are so mean,” he pouted, silently asking for a kiss. Keonhee leaned in, kissing him deep and slow.

It was over too soon.

He watched Keonhee gather his things, eyes slightly swollen. Yonghoon probably didn’t look any better, reddened eyes and cheeks. He didn’t want to go back, not yet, but they’d stayed at least one hour more than intended. Once they reached the door Yonghoon stopped Keonhee from opening, standing close and fixing his hair. They kissed one last time until Keonhee bit his lip playfully, just a tad too hard, making Yonghoon wince and pull away.

“Come on,” he pleaded cheerfully, already walking away “I have a group meeting to call once we get home.”

Yonghoon was left standing at the start of the staircase, looking dumfounded. _Did he mean…?_ He ran behind Keonhee, who was waiting under the umbrella, away from the door. It was still raining outside, sky getting darker. Yonghoon pressed himself against the younger, huffing in annoyance, “Keonhee-yah what meeting?!”

Keonhee laughed with his whole body and shrugged. Neither of them said anything on their way back, it wasn’t really necessary. They shared a quick hug outside the elevator to say goodbye.

The members were still at the studio when Yonghoon entered their dorm. He sat at their small living-room for a while, feeling happy but extremely anxious. He never thought Keonhee meant now as in _right now,_ but he could’ve figured it out sooner. Yonghoon knew Youngjo would make sure Keonhee’s coming out went well, but he still worried. He didn’t know much about Soho’s or Geonhak’s views on the matter, but he didn’t have a reason not to trust them either. Whatever happened, he could only wait for now.

It wasn’t until later, under his bedsheets, that Yonghoon’s phone received a short message.

_I did it!_

He knew Keonhee well enough to know that meant it went well. The details could wait for tomorrow. He typed his answer sleepily, heart finally going slower, calmer.

_proud of you._

**Author's Note:**

> And this is the start of my KeonHoon agenda! I just really ship this two but haven't seen anything about it?? 
> 
> Please leave a comment if you enjoyed this (or if you hated it)!!  
> 


End file.
